`’No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be bred.’ No way,’ said the blonde. ‘My dog doesn’t need bread. She isn’t hungry ’cause I fed her this morning The exasperated policeman said, ‘NO! You don’t understand. Your dog wants to have sex!”‘ The blonde looked at the cop and said, “Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog”.
“why don’t you ride them to town and go see a prostitute?” Asks the officer, aghast
“it’s a three-day trip one way, sir. Just wait a couple of months and you’ll understand.”
“well I’ll never!” Fumes the officer and he storms away.
Couple of months later, of course, the officer is getting desperate. So on a dark night he sneaks to the field, picks the first camel, drops his pants and go at it.
Once he’s done, he realizes the entire camp is watching him, pointing at him, snickering and shaking their heads.
Afraid he’s just been made the butt of a practical joke, he musters whatever dignity he has left and yells at the sergeant:
“Sergeant! What is the meaning of this, you told me everyone was doing it!”
“Sir, we do. But of the whole herd you picked the ugliest.”
The patient replied, ” I’m not so mad as the rest to rush to it. There’s no way they can open it.”
The psychiatrist asked him, “Why’s that?”
“I have the key!” the patient replied
So the son shot in the air three times. They waited another hour, but still no one came.
“Let’s try one more time,” said the father.
“Okay, but it better work this time! These are my last arrows.”
“No.” said the director, “A normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”
“How about that for experience?,” he crowed. “Not bad,” the bartender conceded, “but you’ll need to talk to the boss about the job.” “OK,”, the man said, “where is he?” “Well,” laughed the bartender, “he’s that bruised individual who is just now staggering back in through the front door!”
this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages.”
The son, unimpressed, said, “Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?”
The father, “Yes son, we call it your mother.”
I’ll have that, please!” The waiter is astonished but goes back to the kitchen and brings out the Beef.
Next day the same bloke comes back. Same thing – the menu, but the bloke says “No – just bring me a dirty knife. He sniffs it, smells it, smiles and says “the sole meuniere is delightful, just delightful. I’ll have that, please!”So the waiter wanders off and brings him the sole.
Next day, same thing, but the waiter decides to screw with the bloke. He goes into the kitchen and says to the dishwasher “Maria, just rub this knife on your privates, will you? “So she does, and the waiter returns to the dining room. The bloke picks up the knife, sniffs it once, frowns at the waiter and says ” How long has Maria been working here?
When he sees the woman, he realises she is absolutely gorgeous. Then, her phone rings.
She picks up the phone and says: “Hi mom, are you ok?”
answers ‘I didn’t have to show it last time’
‘Impossible!!’ she bellowed.
The old man looks her straight in the eye and says ‘Last time,
when I landed on D-Day on 6th June 1944, I couldn’t find a fucking Frenchman to give it to’