this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages.”
The son, unimpressed, said, “Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?”
The father, “Yes son, we call it your mother.”
I’ll have that, please!” The waiter is astonished but goes back to the kitchen and brings out the Beef.
Next day the same bloke comes back. Same thing – the menu, but the bloke says “No – just bring me a dirty knife. He sniffs it, smells it, smiles and says “the sole meuniere is delightful, just delightful. I’ll have that, please!”So the waiter wanders off and brings him the sole.
Next day, same thing, but the waiter decides to screw with the bloke. He goes into the kitchen and says to the dishwasher “Maria, just rub this knife on your privates, will you? “So she does, and the waiter returns to the dining room. The bloke picks up the knife, sniffs it once, frowns at the waiter and says ” How long has Maria been working here?
When he sees the woman, he realises she is absolutely gorgeous. Then, her phone rings.
She picks up the phone and says: “Hi mom, are you ok?”
answers ‘I didn’t have to show it last time’
‘Impossible!!’ she bellowed.
The old man looks her straight in the eye and says ‘Last time,
when I landed on D-Day on 6th June 1944, I couldn’t find a fucking Frenchman to give it to’
and the screen displays “Error.” Not long enough.
Then she says, “Take off my bra and panties…”
So I took off her bra and panties.
Then she says, “If I ever catch
you wearing my clothes again, I’m
telling mom and dad!”
She screams and starts running down the path. After a while she
stops to catch her breath. “This is silly” she thinks to herself
“there must be a rational explanation.”
She slowly retraces her steps and walks towards the
direction of the sound – tap, tap, tap. There, sitting on a
grave, is a gentle old man with a small hammer and chisel.
He is tapping out an inscription on the tombstone.
“Phew! You scared me” the girl says, relieved upon seeing him. “What
are you carving there?” The old man turns to her and smiles.
“I’m just correcting the spelling of my name”
‘Go upto the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two
are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference’. The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man ssys “You know, I think my girl was dead’. “Dead? says his friend, “Why do you say that?”Well she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her’. His friend says. ‘Could be worse I think mine was a witch’. ‘A witch??….why the hell would you say that?’ ‘Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window… took my teeth with her!’
