By Frank Lucasale Are you a fan of stand-up comedy? While this form of entertainment isn’t for everyone, a few funny quotes might be all you need to brighten a rough day. After all, scientists say laughter is the best medicine and can even help you live longer.
Some comedians are so talented that they can deliver hilarious lines not just on stage but also during interviews or on social media. You don’t have to be a professional comedian to be witty, though. Many celebrities are known for their humor in everyday life. Take Ryan Reynolds, for example; his entertaining and often sarcastic tweets have earned him a large following.
And Ryan isn’t the only celebrity with a sharp sense of humor. If you’re looking for funny quotes for your social media bio or short captions for today’s selfie, we’ve compiled a great collection of witty remarks from comedians and other celebrities. Feel free to return to this article whenever you need some humorous inspiration, a clever reply to an email, or just a good laugh!
#1
#2
“Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?“ – Bill Murray
#3
#4
“Racism isn’t born, folks, it’s taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps. End of list.” – Denis Leary
#5
#6
“A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy, but they prefer to watch you die.” – Conan O’Brien
#7
#8
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.“ – Lily Tomlin
#9
#10
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
#11
#12
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” – Joan Rivers
#13
#14
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.“ – Kurt Vonnegut
#15
#16
“‘What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, ‘Two or three’. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed.” – Josie Long
#17
#18
#19
“The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.“ – Paul Fix
#20
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
#21
#22
“I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages. That’s a lot of coloring when you think about it.” – Adam Sandler
#23
#24
“What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.“ – Redd Foxx
#25
#26
“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ― Mindy Kaling
#27
#28
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
#29
#30
